I’m just sitting here thinking about killing myself because I’m so sick of making a negative impact. I’m so sick of living with all these issues. I feel like such a quitter but after all these months I’m no better than when I started. Nothing anyone says makes me feel better but I can’t leave my own mother, one of the few people who actually unconditionally cares about me. I care about so many people with no conditions attached. I care for people with their flaws and it’s obvious now that I have none of that back. I have nothing to live for and I’m so tired of living for my family. I’m empty, in pain, alone, suffocated and tired. I’m so fucking tired. I just want to be at rest now. I never should of been born.
It’s my birthday in two days and I will be going out with my bestfriend and her boyfriend. This just made me feel so pathetic. I have no friends and that makes me really sad. I come second to everyone and every time I get close to someone of my own they leave me because I am such a waste of a person. Everyone leaves me or gets sick of me and then I am left with nothing all over again. I try not to care but living like this just makes me want to piss off because no one would give a shit. I am just so sick of living like this. I have no one.
Do you feel pain when you cut yourself? You are beautiful, i saw all your tumblr and i don't know why you do what you do but i think i can try to understand, cuz i already had problems with my weight but with help of my family and friends and with my doctor, I got over it. But i never think in cut myself or anything like this, so i don't know what takes you to do it. I just want to tell you, not to judge or insult you, that the things get better, one day, maybe will take a time, but it gets better! I changed, and i'm pretty good with myself now and i'm trying to help people with the same problems that i had one day. I know how hard is stop, but i hope that you stay strong. Sorry if i say something insulting, i'm just trying to make you feel better, and let you know that someone cares with you, and the thing can get better, and you will be happy someday, trust me. I don't know anything bout you, i don't know how's your life, and how you feel, but if you need someone to talk, i'll be here to help you, and i can tell you how I got over all my problems, and how i did to loose weight. STAY STRONG BABY! <3
AnonymousThis was really sweet, you sound like such a beautiful person. At the moment I haven’t been cutting myself for a while, I am trying really hard though. The reason I do it is a sort of punishment on myself. I feel like if I hurt myself on the outside it matches the inside or something like that. Thank you so much <3
Thank you :)
I feel bad because I'm jealous and she never actually did anything wrong to me except that when she goes out and drinks... She is not mean or something like that, and she's modest and usually quiet in class etc... And that's what bothers me.... She just comes up so perfect and I am just 'the friend' or when we go out, she's there in the centre of attention and i'm just besides, you know?
I mean, boys do hit on me and I don't feel ugly or something like that... I do have flaws, I have small boobs lol (xD), sometimes i hate my hair, i have muscular arms (not like i go to gym, but they're fat xD), but I can't change that and i have to live with that, so I'm not bothered with that :)
Well, i will have one more year to spend in high school and then we will go on our separate ways and I won't have any problems with that :)
I feel bad because I'm jealous and she never actually did anything wrong to me except that when she goes out and drinks... She is not mean or something like that, and she's modest and usually quiet in class etc... And that's what bothers me.... She just comes up so perfect and I am just 'the friend' or when we go out, she's there in the centre of attention and i'm just besides, you know?
I mean, boys do hit on me and I don't feel ugly or something like that... I do have flaws, I have small boobs lol (xD), sometimes i hate my hair, i have muscular arms (not like i go to gym, but they're fat xD), but I can't change that and i have to live with that, so I'm not bothered with that :)
Well, i will have one more year to spend in high school and then we will go on our separate ways and I won't have any problems with that :)
Things like that will pass in time don’t worry. I’m always here if you need me.
I’m slipping again, I feel so hopeless. I just can’t understand how someone can go from “loving” you to not caring at all. I’m so alone.
Okay... I'm pretty depressed, sad, anxious right now and I just needed to tell someone...
Well, my problem is that I'm jealous of my, so called, best friend. I said 'so called' because we're best friends in some kind of a formal way, because we go to same school, sit together and I thought that she is a very nice person... And I think we cannot be friends because there is not something called trust between us... I mean, she never tells me anything (idk if she tells anybody anything) and I can't tell her my secrets because she might judge me... Idk, I think i can never have a best friend relationship with her because i can never talk to her openly and sincerely...
And I'm jealous of her... she just has it all! And I'm pissed off because of the fact that i'm jealous! I don't want to be jealous!
She lives in one place/project that is about 20km away from my city (where we go to school, go out etc) and she is all popular there... Everybody knows her, she's got a couple of very good friends... And she looks so fucking cute and every boy hits on her! And she hangs out with her friends from that project and they go to partying every saturday and just having a good life, you know?
And she is fucking rich... wtf... She, like, gets everything she wants! I must say she's modest person, but still... I have to wait to raise money to get some shoes while she can just come up one day and buy anything...
The other thing i'm jealous about is that she became popular in my city too... She gets invited to birthday parties etc... And I'm there like.. forever alone... I mean, i get invited to parties a lot, but she somehow manages to get to know some people better and get close to them so they invite her...
And I hate it, when we go out, I somehow act like i'm her mother or something...
A few weeks ago we went to a party and she got drunk and she flirted with other guys (although she has a boyfriend) and exchanged numbers with some guy and then she climbed on a table and had to convince her to get down because she was on very high heels and later on she puked and i spent the rest of the night with her outside and she didn't thank me at all and she had the guts to say that she wasn't even drunk, but the food was bad... I'm like WTF!
On the next party she got drunk and cheated on his boyfriend with this guy she exchanged numbers on the previous party and then I spent the rest of the night with her outside consoling her and watching her cry...
Idk why the fuck she drinks when she can't handle it but I think she drinks because she wants to act cool and brag about how much she can drink!
Last night we were again on a party and she got drunk and climbed on a table, but luckily her boyfriend was there... Well, the whole evening she spent with him, maybe sometimes came to me, but usually with her boyfriend...
And i hate it when she tells me gossips i don't care about... she's all about it!
she's like: 'oh my god, did you see that girl? oh my what is she wearing'... 'that girl cheated on her boyfriend' 'omg did you hear who is he dating? i can't believe!' etc etc...
And i hate it how come i help her with everything at school, give her advices etc... She is just laid back while I do all the hard work... When we have to study something for the exam, I'm the person who will get all the notes, get all the essential info and data from the book and learn from it (cuz i can't learn directly from the book) while she just comes up and copies it...
And I'm fucking jealous, still... So let's sum up... She's rich, pretty, popular, has very good guy friends, pretty awesome family and she acts all lady or something like that...
Well she tries to act like a lady but then she drinks like a 3 glasses of beer and fucks herself up on a party.
Okay, sorry I bothered you so much... I just feel better right now, you know :)
And thanks :)
Well, my problem is that I'm jealous of my, so called, best friend. I said 'so called' because we're best friends in some kind of a formal way, because we go to same school, sit together and I thought that she is a very nice person... And I think we cannot be friends because there is not something called trust between us... I mean, she never tells me anything (idk if she tells anybody anything) and I can't tell her my secrets because she might judge me... Idk, I think i can never have a best friend relationship with her because i can never talk to her openly and sincerely...
And I'm jealous of her... she just has it all! And I'm pissed off because of the fact that i'm jealous! I don't want to be jealous!
She lives in one place/project that is about 20km away from my city (where we go to school, go out etc) and she is all popular there... Everybody knows her, she's got a couple of very good friends... And she looks so fucking cute and every boy hits on her! And she hangs out with her friends from that project and they go to partying every saturday and just having a good life, you know?
And she is fucking rich... wtf... She, like, gets everything she wants! I must say she's modest person, but still... I have to wait to raise money to get some shoes while she can just come up one day and buy anything...
The other thing i'm jealous about is that she became popular in my city too... She gets invited to birthday parties etc... And I'm there like.. forever alone... I mean, i get invited to parties a lot, but she somehow manages to get to know some people better and get close to them so they invite her...
And I hate it, when we go out, I somehow act like i'm her mother or something...
A few weeks ago we went to a party and she got drunk and she flirted with other guys (although she has a boyfriend) and exchanged numbers with some guy and then she climbed on a table and had to convince her to get down because she was on very high heels and later on she puked and i spent the rest of the night with her outside and she didn't thank me at all and she had the guts to say that she wasn't even drunk, but the food was bad... I'm like WTF!
On the next party she got drunk and cheated on his boyfriend with this guy she exchanged numbers on the previous party and then I spent the rest of the night with her outside consoling her and watching her cry...
Idk why the fuck she drinks when she can't handle it but I think she drinks because she wants to act cool and brag about how much she can drink!
Last night we were again on a party and she got drunk and climbed on a table, but luckily her boyfriend was there... Well, the whole evening she spent with him, maybe sometimes came to me, but usually with her boyfriend...
And i hate it when she tells me gossips i don't care about... she's all about it!
she's like: 'oh my god, did you see that girl? oh my what is she wearing'... 'that girl cheated on her boyfriend' 'omg did you hear who is he dating? i can't believe!' etc etc...
And i hate it how come i help her with everything at school, give her advices etc... She is just laid back while I do all the hard work... When we have to study something for the exam, I'm the person who will get all the notes, get all the essential info and data from the book and learn from it (cuz i can't learn directly from the book) while she just comes up and copies it...
And I'm fucking jealous, still... So let's sum up... She's rich, pretty, popular, has very good guy friends, pretty awesome family and she acts all lady or something like that...
Well she tries to act like a lady but then she drinks like a 3 glasses of beer and fucks herself up on a party.
Okay, sorry I bothered you so much... I just feel better right now, you know :)
And thanks :)
You didn’t bother me at all. If you ever need to talk I’m here. It does sound a lot like jealousy to me but it also sounds like she kind of walks on you. I have a bestfriend who is very very similiar, she drinks and completely forgets I exist when her boyfriend is even mentioned but what I found to be useful was be independant, meet new people go out and do things you like without her, learn how to be comfortable with yourself etc. It works trust me. I know how you’re feeling and what it’s like to have intense jealousy, I understand the rich aspect of it too ugggh it kills me to see people who are so unconcerned about money but saving and working towards what you want builds so so so much character, it makes you driven and trust me, people who just buy whatever they like don’t have that. I think you’re perfect and if you don’t feel you can confide in her or trust her completely maybe she’s not worth it. <3
